Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! If there is such proof of divine intervention–this is it. It is as if God himself has reached his cheeks down from heaven, parted them, and blown a smelly dollup of retribution into the smug faces of Prius drivers everywhere. Waft! Right there! Catching them mid-boast. A mixing of hot air amongst the parted lips of a once unbearable group of people.
Thank you Toyota. Thank you, thank you for working against decades of standing belief in the supreme capability of Japanese car firms. I know it’s hurt you. I know the pride is stinging and the fiscal impact will be great, but in your recall of your flagship hybrid, 99% of the world’s population have overnight been unburdened from encountering those conceited few who mutter those heinous words.
“I drive a Prius.”
Prius owners, the Piers Morgans’s of the automobile world. Horrible, horrible, pasty people.
You see, my hatred for them goes far deeper than for the standard reasoning of smugness alone. The hypocrisy even of Hollywood stars parking one on the drive purely so they can scream green issue credentials on the east coast talkshows–no doubt chartering a private jet to get there. I can even stomach the guilt Prius drivers are forever lumping on to us serfs, for our irresponsible pursuit of mobility in battered second-hander rather than the celestial qualities “Sure it starts at 20k, but you can’t put a price on the world! Are you selfish enough to deny that for your children?” I can, save for the same point forever popping into my head–
It’s a redundant piece of technology.
Don’t get me wrong, fuel economy in my mind has long been overlooked for the much more sexier attributes of say accelleration…or horse power. Yeah! Show me your horses! What’s that? Your Fiat 500 does fifty to the gallon? Why you nerdy, nerdy poof. And you’re a cheap-skate. Come look at my thump-a-watt stereo system. Feel my cock throb.
The long and short of it is that fossil fuels are an illogical source of velocity. Not only are our resources of them finite, but they expel a waste harmful to our planet’s natural balance. One may attack the Prius, and other such hybrids for trivialising the mileage one may get (sometimes as good as, or indeed less than a straight petrol or diesel), or the fact that illustrate the pointlessness for the switch once it’s production’s carbon imprint is taken into account, in my mind all this serves to distract from the issue that it is still a redundant piece of technology.
Consider this point. Everyone in the world overnight switches Hybrid. Overnight the world’s stockpile of fossil fuels has extended, the pressing need for research into new fuel systems is decreased. In effect, each Prius driver is serving only to keep dependence longer.
So where am I? Biofuels? Never…Bought a loaf of bread recently? Kingsmill White has doubled in price in 5 years thanks to wheat shortages. Farmers once greatly being subsidised by the EU to grow biofuels are now being subsidised for the reverse. Electric? Hydrogen? Ha–fusion?!
The long and short is I don’t care, but it is needed, and one day, it will come. Too many financial awards awaits those who find it for it not to. All I feel we can do in the meantime is short-term incentives. Increasing competition on the rails by abolishing the ridiculous franchise system. Heavy investment of renewable energy sources funded by continuation of tax increases for fuel year-on year. And for fear of fuel protests like in 2002, and with gas-guzzling vehicles naturally paying more to the coffers anyway, why do we even still have a car tax? It seems a pointless excess.
Whatever happens–and in my short experience it tends to be not a lot, bar heated words upon sectarian tribalism, the one thing I will take into the future will be next time I meet Prius driver, I get to be the smug one.
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