By Time Travel Extraordinaire John Titor
Many people think during your time that in the future flying cars will be an important thing. That was attempted in the 2020s but their use was basically rendered impractical since we already had important technology like airplanes already invented. In the 2020s people thought flying cars were pretty stupid since they already had cars that could travel at speeds of 7 miles/second. It was problematic to invent flying cars, because our technology was so advanced that the cars could breed with one another. Now the skies are full of these pests and Automobile Control has to come out with a shotgun every Tuesday and tries to keep their numbers down.
Bloody pests.
The cars in my time are pretty similar to the car in the show Knight Rider. They talk to you annoyingly and you always want to argue with them. But they’re always smarter than you!
Cars in our time never get into wrecks because they only travel through tubes independent of other cars. Every car has its own tube. You antiquated folk in your own time wished you had thought of that. Each car tube only leads to one path so you better choose wisely. Also, you gotta make sure you schedule the tube at the right time because you can’t go into the tube without another car having exited it. That way you can insure yourself 100% safety.
Incidentally cars in our time don’t even have wheels. In place of their wheels, they have anvils. That way they remain heavily stuck to the conveyer belt that carries them through a tube. The great thing about TCACT (stands for Tube Car Anvil Conveyer Technology) is that tubes can be constructed ubiquitously and so you can take your car virtually everywhere, even into the comfort of your own home!
Before TCACT, we sometimes wanted to make moving through traffic easier. We thought, “how do we get through all those terrible red lights?” that you fellow present folk find yourself in. Well we devised a system of ramps. When a car needed to move ahead of the traffic, it would eject a ramp out in front of itself, and then it would jump the ramp and thus jump the rest of the cars. Problem solved. This unfortunately resulted in a lot of fatalities. Sometimes cars would jump out in front of other cars colliding with other cars jumping other cars. It was just pure ramp jumping chaos. So a plan was devised by Henry Ford IX to come up with a system of tubes.
Car tubes basically fill all of our skies, all of our earth, and all of our oceans but it’s very much worth it since no car will ever collide with another car or anything, thus insuring 100% safety. We’ve basically transformed our planet into a pure tubal planet. But trust me, 100% safety has been worth every tube! Tube Car Anvil Conveyor Technology has made our world a better place and is the realization of the dreams of Henry Ford IX.
You stupid primitives think that hydrogen fuel cells will be the fuel of the future. Well, we skipped the fuel cells which were ridiculous and just went to hydrogen tank cars. These are way more awesome though they do routinely burst into flames Hindenburg style.
Now thats how you ride in style!
People from the early 21st century pursued such technology because they felt that fossil fuels were too wasteful. The truth was that they weren’t wasteful enough. Without all that pollution, we have entire cities controlled by grizzly bears and trees keep bullying people as they walk down the street. And all of us were trained from birth to love nature so it’s hard for us to stand up for ourselves.
Peak oil wasn’t that big of a deal, but peak Neon really destroyed the transportation industry as most of the money spent on cars was to furnish them with neon lights on the sides so they’d look really futuristic. Detroit was eventually switched to plain old fashioned flourescent lighting.
Of course, many of you are interested in the car I used to travel back in time initially as I discussed back in the late 90s. But I keep telling you people, that car was just a period model so I’d look inconspicuous. I think it was a Dolerean or something like that. Very standard for the time. Time machines are not standard in most cars from my time, but if you get licensed after a 45 minute safety course you can have one installed. Most people get these so that they can get to work on time when they are running late. This would be fine, but a lot of people are too lazy to kill the time travel duplicate like they should, and there are tons of frequently late people clogging the streets now.
One fact about cars that you may enjoy is that they now drive themselves for the most part. This should appeal to you since you are all so lazy and drunk all the time.
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